Incident at The Blue Boar

Charlton Heston and Brad Pitt stumble laughing into the crowded
Blue Boar, plainly out of it on a drink and drugs cocktail of their
own invention.

Heston leaves Pitt and staggers to the toilet.

Pitt sidles up to the bar and perches on a stool. The bar
man approaches.

What would sir like to drink?

Pitt recites a carefully rehearsed tone poem about his
inability to swim.

The bar man hands him a chicken in a basket, pours
paraffin on the chicken and lights it.

Heston exits the toilet, his clothes now tattered and
torn, whore red lipstick smeared about his face, 
the word ‘Slag’ now scrawled across his forehead
in bright metallic blue paint.

He looks around.

   
“Ou est le beef curtains?” he hollers out loudly. 

Getting no response from the room, or
indeed the people in it, he walks over to join Pitt
and slumps on a stool at the bar next to him.

Pitt motions for the bar man to bring his
compadre some sympathy.

The bar man asks Heston how much he
would like.

A hush befalls the bar. Everything hangs on Heston’s word.
He spins on his bar stool, giving everyone the evil eye.

He draws a gun...on a napkin and very badly, because he's
crap at art.

Everyone else draws guns too, on their napkins.

There’s a tense stand off about who's drawing is best,
before Heston pulls a real gun and opens fire,
hitting a midget standing in the corner by
the jukebox.

An intense gunfight breaks out. All but Pitt and Heston
are fatally wounded.

Heston turns, reaches across the bar and grabs the
bleeding (and by now, dead) bar man by his lapels.

“I don’t know who I am.”