Solemn Sardines

I've seen baby horses, but never a baby donkey.

Hardback books can be awkward beasts. I was reading mine this morning (comedian Russell Brand’s eloquently written and hilarious autobiography) sitting at my computer at home during a short tea break from lyric creating.

Tea finished, I got back to work and noticed the spine of the book had been resting on my keyboard and somehow I'd inadvertedly sent a chat message to one of my mates’ girlfriends which simply read:

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..."

Wonder what she made of it?

Anyway, back to the here and now. I received an email this morning from Jake, the guitarist in this band I used to be in. Weird fellow he is. Don’t get me wrong, I love the man to bits and he's a great musician, but let's just say he's a little touched.

I lent him a pair of jeans once. Nice pair they were. He wore them down to Brighton, shagged some filthy scrubber without taking them off and returned them a few days later, replete with semen stains round the fly.

He’s was in a Spanish jail for a while. He got busted on an ill-conceived drug run between Gibraltar and Madrid. He took a course in video production in jail and after his release, stayed on in Spain. He's now working in an editing suite somewhere in Valencia - which just goes to show crime doesn't pay, but does pay-off in the end.

Anyway, Jake was just emailing me to let me know his work chum Julio had been struck by lightning in the street where their office is. I emailed him right back, asking whether it might be a porky pie.

Jake's reply came streaking into my inbox like a quick, streaky thing. He was adamant the story was true. He even attached a photo of little Julio standing outside their office, grinning, all black and charred.